:: post-pittsburgh, part one ::

i
went to bed last night in a red shirt that reads: bloomington is for
lovers, and a pair of grey sweatpants. i showered this morning and put
those very clothes back on. underwear and all. i should have realized
right then that to-day would be the day that post-pittsburgh would hit
me.

i guess i could say that it started around 1pm when i
talked to george on the phone. he told me he loved me as we were about
to hang up and i couldn’t say it back. it makes me uncomfortable. and i
think it does because i really don’t love that many people. we’re all
despicable, really. no one’s really that nice and we from the east are
even less so. i used to be afraid to tell the story about nicki to
people. i would say it was out of character for me. it wasn’t really.
our character is to do whatever benefits us most at a specific point in
time regardless of the consequences. usually it’s the consequences that
are the only thing that keep us from doing much worse. it’s all the
process of sanctification. we need to be shown how absolutely horrible
we really are so we recognize our need for redemption and repentance.

we
live as if we are the greatest thing to ever happen to the world, when
in reality, we really don’t matter that much. so, i think, that
post-pittsburgh isn’t really getting to me right now, though i had some
bouts with it earlier. i just bothers me that i’m so deplorable in how
i treat others.

*throws hands up. decides to move to the midwest and take some lessons on being genuine*

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Author: thephonewasmadeofjelly

reviving xanga thru wordpress (2002-the present).

3 thoughts on “”

  1. So true what you said about how terrible, sinful things really aren’t out of character for us. I’ve said that so much, ‘that was so out of character for me’ but you’re right, that probably is just a denial of the filth I am capable of. Better to be aware of it, I suppose.

    Like

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