i think about all the days gone by when i was so seriously focused on being a photographer. how did i ever think i was cut out for that to be my job? it is not me. even on the days when i did it, it was more or less pretty miserable. the band shoots were fun, as were some of those fashion thingys. but the small talk & the pretense that abounded on so many of the assignments were enough to kill a person slowly. i do not miss that. not one bit. i hated pretending something was beautiful when it was not. or saying a location was good when it was not. i suppose that was typically trying to make the best of a bad situation, but i did not have the skill to transcend those situations. i made the same boring photograph that any other old schlep with a camera would have.
i remember living in pittsburgh and being surrounded by so called artists on the south side. these were people who had no training, no skill and no apprenticeship. they just wanted to paint or draw or whatever all day, so they did, and they complained about not having work or the ability to pay bills. and i wondered constantly if this was me too. i think it was, but it was really hard to say; even now. i think had i seriously considered photography as a profession, it wouldn’t have been as a photographer but as a printer. man, i was a good printer.